I recently realized that the context that I came to realize life is pointless colors my reaction to it more than the truth of the statement itself. I haven’t believed life had a point for a long time. I don’t know that I ever fully understood what life having meaning implied, but I certainly have found myself to be indoctrinated to believe that life has an ultimate purpose. It’s this belief, or at least acceptance, in life having a meaning that colors my reaction. I’m disappointed. Life doesn’t have a purpose and for much of my life I’ve searched for that purpose, or, perhaps, believed I knew it, and the acceptance that there is no purpose has lead to serious disappoint for me. The meaning, the purpose of life seems so grand. The idea that there was something we could towards that could pull us toward some ultimate meaning drove many of my beliefs and actions. I realized a few days ago that my disappointment is one of two reactions I could have to life lacking any meaning. When life has a meaning and purpose you’re not truly free, you feel like you must work toward that goal or ultimate purpose, but there’s true freedom, as much as we can ever be said to be free which isn’t much, in life not having a purpose. You can work towards anything, you choose the meaning. My problem is that I don’t have dream, I can’t ever seem to find a purpose. There’s nothing that I feel is worth working towards, so my little revelation is ultimately fruitless for me. That’s were the crippling depression comes into play. I can’t remember a time when I’ve ever had a dream, I feel like I’ve been drifting my entire life. There’s never been something I want to do. I don’t really understand dreams or goals, to be honest, I’ve never felt like I had that degree of control over life. I just feel too small, too powerless to even control my life. That’s my biggest flaw. I know that, but I can’t seem to change it. I just try to block out life, most days. And when I do have to confront life, I fake a smile and pretend to be alright, though that may explain why I’m so tired of life. It takes a lot of energy to pretend to be happy when you’re not.
This is uses a quote from MLK, I made it for the 50th anniversary of the March on Washington. The quote isn’t from the speech, but the longer version on the quote serves this wallpaper/quotepaper better, “The ultimate weakness of violence is that it is a descending spiral, begetting the very thing it seeks to destroy. Instead of diminishing evil, it multiplies it. Through violence you may murder the liar, but you cannot murder the lie, nor establish the truth. Through violence, you may murder the hater, but you do not murder hate. In fact, violence merely increases hate. So it goes. Returning violence for violence multiplies violence, adding deeper darkness to a night already devoid of stars. Darkness cannot drive out darkness: Only light can do that. Hate cannot drive out hate: Only love can do that. – Where Do We Go from Here : Chaos or Community? p. 62
Inspired by the classic Bob Dylan song, I made this picture using photos from the Syrian conflict. Made with GIMP.
Another wallpaper I put together in GIMP 2.8. Made while drinking and listening to Linux Outlaws. I hope it solicits peace and contentment.
a mediocre wall I made with Gimp